Why I Take Project 2025 Personally
I almost never write personal essays these days. Here's one to honor my 20th anniversary. (Scroll to the end to listen)
The last time I darkened the doors of the Christian Nationalist Protestant church of my youth, it was to celebrate my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary.
My (recovering Catholic, agnostic) husband and I drove two hours on a Sunday morning to be there. Regardless of political and religious disagreements, we believed it was important to be in the audience to honor my parents’ milestone.
Of course, we hit traffic and arrived late. As our behinds hit the pew, the pastor redirected his sermon on marriage to bellow: “Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers.” And he expounded on why it was important for Christians to marry Christians.
Being the hysterical ungodly harridan that I am, I took this comment and its timing personally. Our butts had not even warmed our seat. I turned to my (recovering Catholic, agnostic) husband, and I said in my outside voice, “We are never coming here again. NEVER EVER.”
In the Christian Nationalist world of my youth, all Catholics were going to hell. I heard Catholics were going to hell more often than I heard homosexuals were hell-bound. Therefore, my (recovering Catholic, agnostic) husband was my sinful choice to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers.” This was my childhood pastor’s way of publicly saying my husband is going to hell in front of over 1,000 people on my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
I’ll pit my (recovering Catholic, agnostic) husband of twenty years against every man in that church, including its pastor. My husband will win the Best Husband Ever Award™ every time.
See, I married the Good Christian Man™ the first time around. I kept a list of God’s requirements for a mate in my Schofield King James Bible, courtesy of my childhood pastor. When we said I do, I believed my Good Christian Man™ checked every box, even as our marriage deteriorated into a hell of verbal and emotional abuse I largely blamed on myself. If I prayed harder, if I gave up more bits and shards and pieces to his control, maybe I’d finally be a Godly Christian Wife™.
In Christian Nationalist circles, marrying a Good Christian Man™ is more important than marrying a decent, loving man. They’re sold as the same thing, but they aren’t. Good Christian Man™ does not equal Good Husband. Or even Good Person. Sometimes, Good Christian Man™ equals garbage human or garbage husband.
I know what a garbage husband is, because I’ve had one. We were stupid and immature and ridiculous, because Good Christian Anything™ does not equal maturity or wisdom or a temperament for marriage. I’m sure my ex would call me a garbage ex-wife. I wouldn’t dispute that assessment of the person I was at twenty-five.
For our twenty years of marriage, my husband and I have not been ‘unequally yoked.’ He is my hero, someone I admire and respect. I never spend one second doubting his love.
He is the personification of the Bible’s commandment for husbands to love their wives enough to die for them. (A Biblical edict for husbands about which the Harrison Butkers of the world never pontificate from any podium or pulpit.)
If Christo-fascists have their way, I probably wouldn’t be able to marry the man I love. Like Dolly Parton, he isn’t a “real” Christian™. At least, according to people who ignore Jesus’ commandment against judging others, who claim to see into others’ souls.
Since Christian Nationalists are only supposed to marry Christian Nationalists, the world of Project 2025 would force me to yoke myself to someone who may be an asshole simply to have a church say we pleased God. Following their interpretation of the Bible is more important than happiness; more important than safety; more important than life.
I take Project 2025 personally, because I know every single thing I have in this life is a result of rejecting THAT life. Including the gobsmacking awe of twenty years married to a (recovering Catholic, agnostic) perfect man.
Calls to Action to Keep P2025 From Ruining YOUR Life
Check your voter registration or register to vote: I Will Vote
Support Democratic campaigns directly in competitive races: Blue24
Support earlyworm’s 2024 Giving Guide: earlyworm
Report a Project 2025 incident: Not On Our Watch
Mail postcards to swing-state voters: Postcards to Swing States
I’m so happy you found the best husband outside the limits of such a disrespectful church.
I'm still hoping that (especially while she's still with us) I'll find that 'Nice Jewish Girl' my mom always hoped I'd marry when I was little boy/teenager... Of course, IF we had a Jewish wedding I'm pretty sure (never actually checked into it) it would have to be in a Reform temple, not one that's Orthodox. 😉 (Two women, at least one of us trans? I doubt that would go over very well with an Orthodox Rabbi...)